Going the "Long distance"

So they say absence makes the heart grow fonder....Well sadly I am getting a taste of that this week, as my husband has been out of town since Thursday. But it is so funny to me how truly right the statement is. Now, I love my husband immensly and love that because he is currently focusing solely on school, it allows him more time at home with his family. It is such a blessing to me, especially when I'm feeling very stressed or run down and he is able to take the reins. But lately I have found myself wanting a little more "alone" time, and often encourage Barry to go study at the library or something so that I don't have to worry about him. Now I think a large part of this is encouraged by the small space we are currently living in, leaving little room to "escape" from whatever else is going on. But even so, I have been feeling a bit guilty in this thought process I find myself in periodically.

In the last few days however, as Barry is in Utah and I have been staying with my parents in Augusta, I am realizing how lucky I am that we get to have the time together that we do. I know it won't always be like this, and I know that in the future there will be times that I will miss having him around so much. Makes me thing of another saying "you always want what you don't have!" haha It's funny, I waited 2 years for Barry to come home from his mission, and was fine, except for the token days that emotions got the better of me (Christmas, Valentines, etc...) But here we are 4 almost 5 days out, and I am finding myself feeling low without having his loving arms to wrap up in. It's funny how the mundane day to day activities and frustrations can make you lose sight of the important things if you let them. Knowing that my husband is having a hard time and I can't be there with him is hard, and it has helped me to remember why he is the most important thing to me and how lucky we are to have what we have.
I love being able to honestly say that my husband is my best friend. He knows me inside and out. He knows what my strengths are, and he also knows all my many many many faults and yet, still loves me in spite of them. It is such a comfort to know that no matter what I encounter out in the world or from anyone else in my life, he will always have my back, and I will always have his.
Not having him to climb into bed with at the end of each of these last few days has me feeling vulnerable, like a piece of my armor is gone. It is really quite amazing to me. There have been very few times that we have spent more than just a few nights at a time away from each other since we've been married, thankfully. But at the same time, I am grateful for this chance to step out of our everyday and re-examine our relationship so that we may see it in its' full light, and appreciate it for everything that it is.

With that being said, I'm very much ready for this moment to pass, as I have had enough of an opportunity to re-examine things and am ready to get back to our "normal" life and all it's querks. Sadly, I still have 2 or 3 more nights before I feel his arms again, as my stay in Augusta requires a few more days from me, and poor Barry is still working on getting himself home from a trip we both wish he'd never taken.

A "Pedal-less" sewing machine

So in an unusual 6 am wakeup call this morning from my little munchkin, while giving her a cup of warm milk hoping she would go back to sleep and let me do the same, my thoughts went to my mothers old sewing machine. I don't know what made me think of it? Perhaps my increasing desire to pull my machine out and "play"?
My mother is and has been paralyzed from the chest down for my entire life. She worked very hard to relearn the use of her hands and used crochet and sewing as a means to loosen her muscles and gain her dexterity back. Because she could not work a foot pedal, my father had come across a very rare design on a Singer brand machine that did not use a foot pedal, but instead had buttons on the machine itself that you would press depending on your direction and speed desired. It brought my mother such great joy to be able to use her sewing machine!

Growing up I actually never even knew sewing machines had pedals. This Singer was the first machine I used, and what I learned on myself. My mother was a very talented sewer! I have so many fond memories of her sitting at her sewing machine working on projects. She loved when she had projects that we could work on together, and she could teach me things she knew. I remember making outfits for my barbie dolls, and picking out patterns of skirts and dresses I wanted to make with her.

But I think what I cherish most in my memories of her and her sewing machine are the sacrifices she made so many times to make something for us. I remember the many sleepless nights she would sew till dawn trying to finish some outfit or project that my brother or myself needed for school, a party, or whatever. As an adult now, I realize the physical fatigue she must have experienced in working hours on end for us. And especially working with such a large disability, but I don't remember ever hearing her complain! That is just one reason my mother is my hero! Now that I am a mother myself, and see how truly hard this role is, to think back at everything my mother did for us (and she did it all from a wheelchair), helps me to keep my perspective. Whenever I feel myself getting so completely overwhelmed, I try to think about that, and remind myself that what I'm dealing with is really nothing, and to re-evaluate my attitude. If I can aspire to be even a fraction of the woman my mother is, then I will feel truly blessed, because their is no doubt in my mind that she is one of Heavenly Fathers most cherished spirits. To know her is to love her!

Sadly, her cherished sewing machine broke beyond repair sometime in my late teenage years, and we were never able to locate a new machine with a "pedal-less" feature. So with the passing of her Singer, so went her days of sewing. But I think she is excited to see me begin my sewing career, as I learn and expand my abilities with a needle and thread. I am also excited, though life at this moment does not seem to be "sewing friendly" and leaves me very little time to take on such an activity. I have my own daughter now, and hope that as she gets older, I too will be able to carry on my mother's sewing legacy! I can't wait to begin sewing pretty dresses for Natalie, and teaching her the basics as she gets older. Perhaps as I do so, I can use the time to also share memories of her grandmother, my childhood, and a "pedal-less" sewing machine.

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An update for this post. Sadly my mother was called back to her Heavenly Father just about a month after I made this post. But in the conversations we shared over memories of her, I learned a little bit more about this sewing machine from my dad. I was incorrect that the machine was a Singer. It was actually a Rikkar. This was a brand that was sold mainly overseas, and the particular model that my father found was one that had been marketed to an Asian market. In Asian culture they do not often sit in chairs, but rather directly on the floor. So this model had been designed so that the women could sit on the floor (as they normally would) and sew. Neat huh!? Well somehow my dad came across a sewing shop that had ordered one like this but was not able to sell many of them. So in addition to it being a perfect solution for my mother, he also got a heck of a deal on it! haha! Don't you love when that happens!

What is Sweet Haven?

So I have decided to jump on the blog bandwagon along with the rest of my family and at the urging of my well meaning husband! I don't consider myself to be that good of a writer, nor do I feel I know how to write interesting things, so we will see where this goes, and for how long....


I thought for my first entry I would tell you what Sweet Haven is... As stated in my "title" It is the name my grandmother gave her home. She has called it such for the last 15 years, but really as long as I can remember. She got the name from the opening song in the movie "Popeye" titled "sweet haven." Here are the lyrics...

Sweet Sweethaven
God must love us
We the people
Love Sweethaven
Hurray hurray Sweethaven
Flags are wavin'
Swept people from the sea
Safe from democracy
Sweeter than a melon tree
Put here for you and me
Sweethaven
Sweet Sweethaven
God must love us
We the people
Of Sweethaven
God must have landed here
Why else would he strand us here
Where the air is nice and clear
Sweethaven even sounds so near
To Heaven
God will always bless Sweethaven
God will always bless Sweethaven
God will always bless Sweethaven

She loved the words of the song, how God loves us and that SweetHaven is so near to Heaven, and that God will always bless SweetHaven. My grandmother has such an awesome spirit about her, and I think this song just summed up how she felt about her home and our Heavenly Father.

Now that I have a family of my own, I hope to build a home that is worthy of the name "Sweethaven." A home that is full of love and peace. A place of refuge for my family from all the bad in the world, where they can always feel safe and close to their Heavenly Father.

I know that Sweethaven can be found anywhere and in anything I desire it to be; but I see it in my mind, and I am not quite there yet.... So with each day I will continue my quest to claim my own Sweethaven.